How to Handle Criticism Without Becoming Defensive
Many people come into my office believing that defensiveness (one of the Gottman’s dreaded 4 horsemen) is a personal failing; however you may be relieved to learn that defensiveness is actually an evolutionary holdover [...]
“Tony”: Film Review
Many of us go to the cinema to witness sympathetic characters overcome external and internal obstacles and become better humans (or tragically die trying). There are archetypal heroes' journeys… and now there are fresh [...]
“The Grace of Eloquence” by Mike Guiney: CD Review
In the tradition of Bob Dylan and Willard Grant Conspiracy, Mike Guiney has created a lusciously produced album of poignant and meaningful sonic postcards. In particular I was blown away by “Love Can Be [...]
Joyless Decadence
"Comparison is the thief of joy." ~ Teddy Roosevelt The second time I met Esther Perel I told her that she was a tremendous poet. The musicality of her ingenious ditties such as "How [...]
The Holistic Psychologist and the Ethics of Psychology in the 21st Century
Six years ago an Esalen student showed me the PDF files she had just received for subscribing to the Holistic Psychologist’s newsletter at $20 per month. To put this in context, I should confess [...]
10 Reasons You Used To Be Neurotic And Now You’re Anxious
For most of the 20th century, neurosis was the official diagnosis for the condition that we now call anxiety. The first two editions of the DSM grouped phobias, obsessions, hysteria, and free-floating dread together [...]
Would You Prefer Your Desperation Quiet or Loud?
Comedian Marc Maron recently chastised fellow comedian Bill Maher with what he deemed "desperate chasing of relevance" and this notion captured for me something that I've observed in session with patients. In "The Fear [...]
10 Signs Someone Was King or Queen in a Past Life
“Every speech act is a request for love.” ~ Bruce Fink If someone says “I’m willing to entertain the possibility that I’m a narcissist,” then he’s probably not a narcissist; if someone says, “I’m [...]
What Is Jobhugging?
"It is easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of capitalism." — Mark Fisher Yesterday I heard a patient identify himself as a jobhugger. His job is unsatisfying and he’s [...]
10 Subjects That Should Not Be Discussed On First Dates
KEY POINTS On first dates each party is subconsciously tracking for trustworthiness and authenticity. If authenticity is tested before trust is established, it registers as oversharing. Dates should be adventures during which each party [...]